Bad Thoughts
by Vain
Summary: PG-13 for yoai. My first KENSUKE/DAIKEN so be nice. Ken has a conversation with a bird, plays soccer in the rain, and realizes that *just maybe* there's hope for him yet. Crappy summary. Read it anyway.


Bad Thoughts

Bad Thoughts 

By: ****Vain5/26/2001

I don't own digimon.So there.They are the property of Toei, Bandai, and Fox Kids.The song _"City Life"_ is track two on the album 

Nasty Little Thoughts and was written by and is the property of Stroke 9 and King Nummy Publishing (BMI).

This story contains **YOAI **and **SHOUIAN-AI**.**Get over it.** This is my first attempt at a romance; R&R and please be honest.

Also note that this story is unrelated to any of my other works.

~****Vain

** **

**---------------------------------*~*~^~*~*--------------------------------------**

** **

_What's your story send it over to me_

_I'll take a look and see what there is to see_

Atleast jot a few things down 

Ichijouji Ken stood on the balcony outside of his room and calmly watched the birds as they fluttered along the railing.The sky was a dull iron gray and the clouds hung low and heavy to meet the earth.The air smelled of rain and heat.It was getting late and he knew that he should study before he left, but when was the last time the infamous boy genius actually had to study?

He smirked.It was an expression that his face rarely bore these days, but all things considered, that was probably for the best.The Digidestined didn't trust him as it was, far be it for him to actually give them a reason.That whole Kaiser thing notwithstanding, of course.

_Anything to let me know I'm in your head _

_And not on the ground_

With the cigarette butts 

_From the mouths of all those little sluts that want me_

A bird landed in front of Ken cocked its head, regarding him with apparent fascination.He returned its gaze coldly.

_Go away_, he willed silently._Go away.Don't you know who I am?I am a monster who wears a man's face.Go away._

His lips tightened into a thin line."Go away," he hissed in anger.He smacked at the bird and it only hopped closer.

Ken bit back a growl. A pale hand snapped out and grabbed the bird.He raised the creature up to his face and looked at it with a terrible intensity.For its part, the bird merely watched him, unafraid.

"Don't you know what I am?" Ken whispered to it.He paused as though he expected an answer."Don't you?" he repeated impatiently."I am the Prince of Fools."

_ _

_I'm lying here with the negative thoughts running my brain_

_Over again look where I've been feel me try, feel the sky_

_Feel that your able to do what it is you need to when_

_ _

_This city life is dragging_

_This city life is dragging us down_

His fist unintentionally tightened around the little bird.He could feel its heart begin to beat wildly.

"Now you are afraid?"

The bird began to struggle, faintly at first and then wildly.It's small, clawed feet scratched at the boy's wrist and it tried to peck at him.A shrill cry left its lips.Ken squeezed the bird a little bit harder.

It wasn't a lot of pressure, really just a little bit, but it was enough.Ichijouji Ken was very strong.There a faint popping noise as the bird's neck snapped in the boy's hands.The frantically darting eyes stilled and glazed over and the heartbeat faded to nothing.Ken didn't move.

He stared at the dead bird without comprehension for a long time.It was stiffening in his hand.Blood coagulated, flesh gradually hardened, beak froze open, wings fell to rigor mortise—all in his clenched fist.He sat like that for nearly fifteen minutes.

_ _

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me _

_Anyway, well I can barely face the day_

Then, as though the horror of what he had done had suddenly hit him, the slender boy threw the bird away from him and jerked backwards as though he could escape himself.The dead bird rolled clumsily to the edge of the balcony and stopped, limp head dangle over the edge at a crazy angle.

Ken was breathing hard.He had to get out of this place—he _needed_ to leave.Flipping his purple hair away from his eyes, the youth tore the sliding door open and stumbled into his room, nearly smacking his head on the bottom of his elevated bed in his haste.

He jerked on his gray Tamachi jacket with shaky arms, trembling fingers scrambling over buttons.Wormmon sat up on the bed and looked down at his partner in sleepy confusion.

His small, round head tilted slightly to the side."Ken?" he asked between a yawn."Ken, what's wrong?Why are you shaking?"

"We're going to be late," the child replied, evading his partner's eyes.

_ _

_Is it already a quarter to ten?_

_How can I drag my body from this bed again_

_When I feel so heavy_

_From the weight of nothing_

"Late?"The small virus type puttered over to the edge of the bed and climbed down the ladder.His magenta pods made odd popping noises as they attached and re-attached to the wood."It's rainy out, Ken-chan."

"I know.We need to meet Daisuke and Demiveemon at the field."

"Demiveemon?"Wormmon perked up and he eagerly clambered over to Ken's waiting book bag.He pulled it down on its side and slipped inside."Hurry up, Ken-chan!"

A weary smile crept over Ken's lips as he regarded his over-anxious partner.He carefully zipped up the bag and shifted it onto his shoulder.Almost as an afterthought, he picked up a soccer ball and tucked it underneath an arm.

***~*~^~*~***

A walk, bus ride, and another walk later, the dark-haired Child of Kindness was standing on the soccer field of Odaiba Elementary.Wormmon was waiting for his jogress partner on the sidelines and Ken walked the length of the field with his head down and his hair in his eyes.An umbrella had been set up over the rookie digimon in case of rain and the little creature appeared quite content to rest in the dark.

"Hey, Ken!" a familiar voice called."Ken!"

The bowed head snapped up and the pale boy's eyes crinkled with a smile that hi friend couldn't see.Daisuke was running with Demiveemon held tightly in his arms.The goggle-wearing soccer player grinned a goofy Daisuke kind of grin and deposited his partner and book bag next to Wormmon and Ken's things.He paused a moment to set up another umbrella next to Ken's and Wormmon emerged from the shade of the first one to meet his friend. 

"Hello, Dem," Wormmon greeted placidly.

The little blue in-training pounced on Wormmon with a grin."Worm-kun!"

Daisuke smiled and turned to his jogress partner who stood several feet away."Hey."He paused, regarding his best friend with a slight frown."Ken-chan?What wrong?"

"Wrong?"Violet eyes blinked with cat-like calm."Nothing's wrong.Why do you ask?"

"You're shaking, Ken."

_ _

_It's not about you as I said_

_Now it's a quarter to two, another night run through_

_Without connecting_

_To anything_

With a slight frown, the taller boy extended his hands and looked down.Sure enough, small tremors were running through his arms.

"Ken?"

Ignoring Daisuke, he kept his arms extended and watched with clinical interest as the tremors increased until his hands were shaking violently.He dropped his arms and raised his eyes to look into Dai's brown ones."It's nothing, Dai.Let's play soccer."

The gray clad boy ran away from the Child of Courage and Friendship, dribbling the soccer ball ahead of him.Daisuke, never one to be outdone, grinned and conveniently forgot about Ken's tremors as he pursued his best friend and eternal soccer rival across the field.

The two boys played each other mercilessly, Daisuke's boundless energy compensating for Ken's inhuman speed.Twenty minutes into the game, it began to rain softly.The children continued, defiant of the rain and the world that would try to force their fun to end.The rain whispered against the earth and dropped thousands of kisses on the opponents.The ground grew slick and muddy as their feet churned up dirt and grass.

_ _

_This city life is dragging us down_

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me _

_Anyway, well I can barely face the day_

Suddenly Dai dove forward, knocking Ken down with a familiar move.The boy genius's eyes widened and he tripped over the other's feet, falling down into the mud.Daisuke's slide continued beneath Ken and the two became entangled in one another as they struggled to free themselves.

"Okay," Ken grunted as Daisuke elbowed him in the hip."This—ouch!—is not working.Quit squirming, Dai!"

The dark boy immediately stilled.You did just didn't argue with Ichijouji Ken when he went all imperious and stuff on you.He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Ken twisted slightly so that the two of them were face to face and shifted his legs until he was straddling his jogress partner.He stopped moving suddenly, startled to find himself so close to Daisuke.

_ _

_I'm already so far away from where I need to be_

_I'm already so far away_

The other boy had also frozen, the compromising nature of their position suddenly dawning on him."Umm . . ."

Ken flushed but remain where he was."Umm . . ." _Move!_ His mind shrieked in panic._Move, move, movemovemovemovemove!!!_But his body was enjoying itself far too much.

Dai licked his lips uncomfortably."Uh, Ken . . ."

He paled and began to shift again."Oh . . . um, yeah.Right."The purple-haired genius pulled his left leg over his opponent's body and fought hard not to groan when he felt his hip rub over something hard and conspicuous.He failed.He was now laying with his legs next to the goggle boy and his chest over the other's chest. 

"No," breathed Daisuke, his arms locking around the other boy's slender waist.Ken struggled to pull away from him, uncomfortable with the suddenly reduced distance between their faces.He was surprised, and more than a little pleased to note that Dai had absolutely no intention of letting him slip away.The smaller boy was incredibly strong for his size.

Violet eye latched onto chocolate brown eyes and two sets of pupils dilated with lust and adrenaline._Let me go_, Ken willed silently.He could feel Dai's heart fluttering as he pressed his hands against his chest in resistance._Let me go._It was like a little bird . . ._ Don't you know who I am?I am a monster who wears a man's face.Let me go._

Daisuke's grip tightened.Ken felt so small in his arms he feared he might break the fragile boy in two.Ken relaxed slightly, their lips almost touching as he was forced to lower his head.

Daisuke could taste the breath that left Ken's lips as the other boy whispered in an almost desperate voice:"Let me go."

Daisuke inhaled the taste of it."Shh."

Ken tried to inhale, but there didn't seem to be enough air left between them.He was unconsciously drawing closer to Dai."Don't you know who I am?"His lips were feather-light as they brushed against Daisuke's to form the soft words.

"Shh."

_ _

_We move a mile a minute_

_Just to keep ourselves in it._

_Now I think we've come to far not to win it_

_What is it?_

He didn't even have to lean up to capture Ken's mouth in a kiss.The taller boy stiffened like a rod and then melted in Daisuke's arms.The kiss was neither passionate nor heady, but clumsy: a first kiss.Dai gently brushed his tongue against Ken's lip, wordlessly begging for entry.Ken opened his mouth slightly and tilted his head back as he felt Daisuke slide into his mouth.He moaned softly.

The smaller boy rolled over so that he was on top of Ken, his arms still locked in their death grip around his waist.Ken followed his lead willingly, rolling till his head and back rested in the mud.It didn't matter to either of them.Ken tasted like mint and oranges and he smelled like juniper shampoo.Dai wanted to devour him.

But unfortunately all humans need to breathe.With great reluctance the two boys pulled away from one another.Ken gasped for air and licked his lip, savoring Daisuke.He looked up to his friend's eyes and saw their glittering brown surfaces swirling with hunger, need, and apprehension.

"Now you are afraid?" Ken purred between breaths.

Daisuke's words were a sigh."Shut up, Ichijouji."

Ken grinned and leaned up to claim his koi's lips in another kiss.The rain fell around them in soft whispers.

_If I wasn't here all this shit would just go on anyway_

_If you weren't here_

_Everything would just go on anyway_

***~*~^~*~***

"Ken-chan?" a voice emerged from his book bag.

"Yes, Wormmon?"

"What was Daisuke doing to you?"

The boy unlocked the door to the apartment."We were playing soccer."

"No."Wormmon pulled himself out of Ken's backpack as his partner slipped off his shoes."You're covered in mud.I was talking about when you two were wrestling and he was sitting in you."

Ken stood and looked at his partner.He looked . . . flustered.

"Ken?" Wormmon asked.He had never seen that particular expression on his human's face."Demi said that you were tasting each other.Is that what you were doing?"

Ken chuckled slightly, a deep warm sound.Of course he just happened to have _the_ most innocent and naive partner in any world . . ."Sort of."

Wormmon blinked innocently."Oh.How does he taste?"

The boy genius pursed his lips to keep from laughing explosively."… Good."

"Oh.Okay."

This time Ken really did laugh and Wormmon was immensely pleased—although more than a bit confused—that he was the cause of the rare sound.

_That's what you learn_

_Why do you stay_

_When this city life is dragging us down?_

Ken was still chuckling when he went to stand out on his balcony again.It was nearly dark out and the rain was falling a bit heavier than before.The damp wind lifted up his shower-dampened hair and tossed it around his face.He tossed his head almost absently, his hair had always been prey to the slightest shifts of air or body, so he was quite used to it getting in the way._Of course I could always spike it again . . . Hmph—thoughts for later._ The motion, however, drew his eyes to a small form lying on the ledge of the balcony.It was that bird.

With a grimace of disgust, the boy kicked the little corpse off the ledge.It fell seven stories onto the pavement below.

Ken lowered his head and clenched his hands into fists.His previous good humor had vanished over the ledge with the reminder of his cruelty.

A loud, misplaced chirp made his head snap back up.His eyes flashed to a small bird perched on the railing of the balcony.He waved a hand at it, trying to drive it away."You've got to be kidding me.You guys just can't take a hint, can you?"

The little bird chirped at him and hopped onto his waving hand."Go away!" he snapped, making a flipping motion with his wrist.The stubborn creature held on tight.

Ken raised his hand in front of his eyes and looked at the little bird with a dry smirk on his lips."You're not that bright, are you?Don't you know who I am?"

The bird chirped and Ken's other hand reached around and snatched it off his wrist in a flash of skin.He clenched the little creature in his fist and stared at it in detached interest."Don't you?" he whispered.

The little bird twittered.

_ _

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me_

_Don't push me _

_Anyway, well I can barely face the day_

The Ken smiled—not a smirk, but a real smile of happiness."No.You don't."

He extended his hand and opened his fist.The bird hopped upright and stood in his palm.It looked at him for a long moment.Then, it leapt off his hand and flew away off beneath the leaden sky.Ken watched it until vanished. 

_ _

_I can barely face the day._

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End file.
